This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
