do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
