we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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