I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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