you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
