he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
