did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
