Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
