okay pat passed out under dana's car
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
