I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Boobs are out for the taking
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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