At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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