If i come over, it means nothing
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
