I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
