Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
