i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
