Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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