Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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