you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think i have two assholes
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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