I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
