apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
