you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize