Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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