so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
