I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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