ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize