People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize