I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
vagina is talking i cant
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize