I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
