also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
