mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
