I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
