I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
