Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize