How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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