Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
