textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
