I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
