She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
