And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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