The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
