She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize