ADVERTISEMENT

• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?

  Fav 23 2619 1428

  share tweet
  

• (954): View more from Florida

  He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"

  (954): View more from Florida

  Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.

  Fav 15 960 3130

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...

  Fav 34 1419 4925

  share tweet
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.

  Fav 15 6148 1142

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.

  Fav 5 730 1016

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry

  Fav 8 969 1537

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (847): View more from Illinois

  He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  So... He's a barber?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?

  Fav 1 1748 1001

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.

  Fav 1 738 550

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...

  Fav 2 701 517

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.

  Fav 8 1706 622

  share tweet
  

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...

  Fav 1 387 479

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.

  Fav 0 367 179

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.

  Fav 1 21 44

  share tweet
  

• (239): View more from Florida

  I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.

  Fav 0 20 10

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (727): View more from Florida

  No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."

  Fav 0 53 12

  share tweet
  

Randomize