I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
