You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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