4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
