This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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