Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
