somebody snuck up and got me drunk
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
