Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
