Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
