she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
