im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
