Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how do flat chested girls get laid?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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