we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
