I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
