Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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