don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
