I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
