I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
