I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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