Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
