went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
