you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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