i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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