So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just gargled with NyQuil
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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