I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
