Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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