hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
