I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize