we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
