He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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