I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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