haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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