Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
