just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
