exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
