You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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