my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
