Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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