Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
