..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
okay pat passed out under dana's car
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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