he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
