I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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