and you said cock pushups were impossible
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
