There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
