Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
