ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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