Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
