Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize