Say something about gay babies.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
