whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
