3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize