i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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