I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
