I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't think brook has ever known best
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
