If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
