So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
