forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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