I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
