Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
