I'm so fucking centered right now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
