i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
