dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
