Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This is classic penis vs brain.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
