Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
