Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
